Well, whaddya know?

Things they really don’t tell you about C-Sections 

Giving birth is one of (Please note I’ve said one of, I don’t believe every woman has to have children to experience real love, or know the beauty of being a woman, but damn it’s crazy what our bodies can do, therefore it is ONE of) the craziest and most life-changing experiences that a woman can go through. I delivered my daughter through a planned c-section, and everything in the hospital went as well as it could have.  We stayed a total of two nights and three days in the hospital before it was time to drive home in a fucking blizzard!! (Good job daddy!) and settle into our new forever life with a baby that we had absolutely no idea how to care for. 

So here we are, in our own home with our sweet little darling potato and this is when things got interesting.  I knew that when we got home I wouldn’t have the luxury of the hospital bed to help me up and down, but what I didn’t expect was the toilet situation.  

When we got home, I really had to pee…but I couldn’t lower myself down onto the toilet! Do you know how many ab muscles you need to use to sit down, because apparently it’s all of them! The nurses strongly suggest that I take stool softeners to make bowel movements less painful, because they want to eliminate the need to push when you go… which again I didn’t know. Luckily, I had a brilliant solution… I asked my husband to get the saw-horses out of the garage, and place them beside the toilet. Problem Solved. Picture for proof. 

The day we left the hospital was the first day that I was given real pain medication (I had been getting some tylenol or whatever it was I had) so I was feeling good, but I was not given any prescription for more, or any to take home, and I was told this was normal. Our daughter wasn’t gaining a ton of weight because, and again I didn’t know this, when you have a c-section your milk does not come in right away, sometimes it takes a few days! So, our community nurse showed up,checked us out, and she asked what prescription I was on.  When I told her that I wasn’t given one, SHE CALLED MY DOCTOR RIGHT THEN AND THERE!! I was told it was normal to just take tylenol, or whatever it is I was supposed to take, and that would be enough.  B*tch, I take tylenol when I have a headache, not for after I have my belly sliced open, my guts rearranged, my uterus cut into and a baby pulled out, and then have everything stuffed back in like a favorite teddy that lost its stuffing! Good grief.

All in all, it seems like what I didn’t know far eclipsed what I did…and that isn’t anyone’s fault! I’m sure at some point some nice person did tell me… that doesn’t mean I retained that information!